“The Healing Power of Empathy-in-Action”
By Marcus Cormier and Dr. Alauna Curry
We have all experienced something traumatic: a bad break-up, the death of a loved one, a terrible car accident, the loss of a job, the list is surely exhaustive. There is loads of research that shows how these experiences affect not only our brain and physiological responses, but also how they have significant effects on our daily lives. We can become violent, distant, distrusting, and irrational with those we love. Trauma even causes us to display these characteristics to people and things that resemble the object inflicted upon us during the traumatic experiences in the first place. This can place a strain on our daily relationships and cause further damage in which we didn’t originally intend to do.
Let’s face it: no one wants to hurt their loved ones…. However it’s been shown time and time again that we are not always in control of our emotions or how we act out of them. The good news is, there is a “quick fix” or in modern medical vernacular, a cure.
Empathy is a word most have heard and have tried to explain, but what really is the significance of this mysterious word and how does it relate to trauma? Most have heard empathy defined as: “walking in somebody else’s shoes” or “feeling emotions with others.” I believe this definition, while good, misses a few critical components that can make empathy a useful superpower, when used effectively. Empathy, in my words, can be defined as: “wearing the perspective of the other, experiencing their reality through THEIR mind, body and spirit.” As I mentioned above, empathy is a cure. What’s the illness?
You guessed it right: trauma!
When we take an empathic approach to and through our traumatic experiences, several things occur.
First, we begin to heal from our experiences, as we recognize the factors that contributed to the harm that occurred in the first place, from OUTSIDE of ourselves.
Secondly, we create a space of control over our own biology, such that we choose not to inflict damage onto others, simply due to our own inability to exercise control of our emotions.
Thirdly, we begin to behave and conduct ourselves in more rational ways, as we gain deeper appreciation of how others experience the world, including us.
It is a biological fact that we cannot individually experience every negative experience possible in life, but in a society with an ingrained lack of empathy, we tend to dismiss the impact of those experiences as less than, simply because they are not directly affecting me or someone I care about. We often minimize the pain others may feel, or judge how they reacted, only from our own perspective. “If it were me, I would have” or “You should have felt or done…” Unfortunately, this way of thinking has lead to an increasingly divided and desensitized society. However, with intentional and skillful use of empathy, we are able to connect to others in a way that demonstrates a path to healing, as well as set healthy boundaries for things we do not and should not have control over.
